Only so much shit you can take in a day.

Being not-old

The following may sound a bit childish or immature. Do exercise your knowledge of me while reading. =)

So yeah, I do think that I should be able to make decisions about my studies and my relationships and my future career and even how I drive (which is very safely for the most part. I go at 80km/h on the expressways mostly).

I may say things like, “Oh, asshole of a driver tailgating me. If I had time and money, I’d jam brake and let him have it.” Which part of me seems like I’ll actually proceed to do something so ridiculously retarded? I don’t expect to be given any sort of response to the statement because it’s just something I say to get it out of my system. I don’t expect to be chewed out for it.

I believe that my career path, my studies and what I do to achieve them are my responsibility. Plus the fact that I am the clearest about whats hanging in the balance, what I have to achieve and how I have to do it, doesn’t mean that your suggestions, however kindly, will be accepted. Is it that hard to understand that there’s a difference between respecting your suggestions and accepting them? Then is it equally difficult to respect me and my decisions as a person who is turning 23 this year?

I may not be worldly or to know everything. I know I lack the experience of the real world. I listen but everyone has that narrow perspective of the world they operate in. Your way may work in your little segment of the universe, but that little segment may not be something I want to be submerged in.

Kicking a ruckus and leaving yourself with no way to..in the Chinese saying － 无法下台, doesn’t make anything easier. In any case, it only makes things awkward for yourself.

Well, all the pressure and stress is mine and mine alone. It’s my cross to carry, my burden to bear. I never expected anyone to help me with it, but at least try not to make it anymore tougher than it already is.
Back to the ol’ textbook..week 2 of school, here I come.

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hmm..

Facebook says I have close to 800 friends, yet when I just feel like calling and talking nonsense, nobody seems to fit the bill. NOT that they’re not my friends, more of I have no idea who to call and what to say. Frankly, I’m unsure of what’s bothering me right now. Bothersome. Bother. Bah.

I should get back to my BGS report, with it being so fragmented and all.

 

Do nothing day..

Today was a good day, for I accomplished nothing in particular apart from eating, sleeping and using facebook. Given that I have this insanely fragmented report to glue together, not doing it the whole day was a bad idea. Then again, I’m rather exhausted from the late nights.

Also I am confused as to what is what. Hot, then cold, then hot, then cold. I may be good, but that is just too challenging. So I’m going to say byebye. At least until the exams are over, or until I’m back from the Philippines in May. It can wait. I think. Hmmm…

Too close..

I think it’s too close to the exams to be pre-occupied with anything else. Yet, sometimes you don’t really get a say in when things fall into or out of place. Not knowing is bad, but knowing may be worse. It just gradually eats out of the little cage I created at the back of my mind. Thoughts are evil little things. They combine and split, producing so many little ideas through the permutations and combinations. Each little idea grows, joining the big ideas that have already made a small hole in the cell.

Spillover effects. I’m willing to spend time on doing things that have little to no benefit to me except as an investment. Investments fail too you know? Yes, yes, I’m aware. 3 weeks to exams and here I am doing thinking. Thinking at night, as I’ve said many many times before, is not the wisest of moves but only in the dead of the night do I get the luxury of going through and attempting to sort out and arrange my thoughts and feelings. Not everything can be made into a optimization problem. Can try though. Max U(x, y) s.t. x = ky, y > x, etc etc…Time spent on investment and probability of investment granting dividends. On a separate note, I think I should start dabbling in the SGX. Seems like fun. Or at the very least, exciting.

Lovely night. I keep all my secrets to myself. You want to know my secrets? Really? The pitch black emptiness of the interior of the can of worms you open, will you be able to survive? Or would a double rainbow spring out of the recesses of my mind? I don’t call this insecurity. It’s more of, if things fall through, there more to lose. Yet so much more to gain. I’d calculate the expected value of the gamble, but gauging the probability of success is problematic.

Help…no actually, I’ll be able to handle this. As per everything else. Take it in stride.

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Things are..

…starting to look up. As per normal, I get so bogged down by the sheer volume of work staring at me that I fail to realise that getting through that amount of work is not as scary as it seemed. Not as issue. I am awesome.

 

Up, up and away!

If everything keeps..

..heading in this direction, I think I may start sinking into depression. Rah!!!!